


Crime and Punishment

by Midnight_Queen



Series: SFW Tolkien Discord [3]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: And it doesn't go how anyone expects, Basically the Feanorions reunite in the Halls of Mandos, Despite being a Vala Namo is no help, Gen, Halls of Mandos, Interactions in the Halls of Mandos, Maedhros is always the long-suffering older brother, Shenanigans and mild chaos ensue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 07:53:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14015709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnight_Queen/pseuds/Midnight_Queen
Summary: "Maedhros came back into consciousness to the distorted, faraway sounds of people yelling and laughing. Laughing? That can’t be right. He thought, blinking until his eyes came back into focus on his surroundings.He was standing in the doorway of a room. It was relatively small, as if it was set aside from the main part of the Halls of Mandos, because where else could he be? Ornate columns and pillars held up the room’s high ceiling, which increased the echo of the yelling Maedhros still heard, but didn’t want to turn and find out about yet. The room was lit as if by the grey light of a cloudy, overcast day."The Feanorions are all in the Halls of Mandos, and when Maedhros arrives he discovers that their eternal punishment is to sit in a circle together and play a continuous game of cards with Namo. It can't be all that bad, can it? Oh yes, yes it can. Shenanigans and mild chaos ensue. Don't let the title lead you to think that anything about this fic is serious. This is a light-hearted, crack-ish fic inspired by a conversation in a Silm discord chat I'm in.





	Crime and Punishment

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Silmarillion or any of the characters in this piece! It all belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien!

  
“You’re cheating again, Curvo.” Caranthir said, looking at the stack of cards his brother had just put down and narrowing his eyes.

  
“I am not. I had three of the same card, and they all fit the criteria for a card that can be played this turn. Why should I not be able to play them all?” Curufin asked. He raised an eyebrow, a silent challenge that Caranthir immediately took.

  
“Because it is against the rules! You cannot put down more than one card at once! How is the game supposed to continue if players can reach the point of having one card left in only a few turns?” he snapped.

  
Fëanor watched in amusement as the two continued to argue. Námo, Doomsmen of the Valar and keeper of the Halls of Mandos, shuffled his cards in his hand and appeared disinterested in the disagreement. Celegorm laughed as Caranthir became more and more annoyed. Amrod and Amras shared a look with each other, and one of the twins muttered under his breath about this happening nearly every time it was Curufin’s turn.

  
“Fight me on it, Moryo!” Curufin exclaimed, raising his voice for the first time in the argument, and drawing everyone’s attention back to himself and Caranthir. Caranthir responded by slamming his cards on the floor and leaping across the circle they had all been sitting in to tackle his brother. The two tumbled to the floor, wrestling amid loud cheers from Celegorm.

* * *

  
Maedhros came back into consciousness to the distorted, faraway sounds of people yelling and laughing. _Laughing? That can’t be right._ He thought, blinking until his eyes came back into focus on his surroundings. He was standing in the doorway of a room. It was relatively small, as if it was set aside from the main part of the Halls of Mandos, because where else could he be? Ornate columns and pillars held up the room’s high ceiling, which increased the echo of the yelling Maedhros still heard, but didn’t want to turn and find out about yet. The room was lit as if by the grey light of a cloudy, overcast day.

  
When he drew his attention away from the ceiling and turned towards the noise, Maedhros was confused to say the least. Námo, his father, and his brothers were all present. They were seated in a circle on the floor and looked to be playing a card game of some sort. Or rather, they had been. Maedhros thought. Before Curvo and Moryo obviously began arguing…and wrestling. He crossed the room in three strides and knelt behind Amrod and Amras, tapping their shoulders and only being startled for a moment by the fact that he now possessed his right hand before he refocused on the fact that he was in the Halls of Mandos, and it was nothing at all like what he was expecting.

  
“Nelyo!” the twins whisper-yelled in unison. They smiled brightly, and appeared to be the only ones of his family to notice his presence. Námo turned his head towards them, and nodded to Maedhros.

  
“When did you get here?” Amras asked, moving over so Maedhros could sit.

  
“Just now.” Maedhros replied. “What is happening?” he asked, gesturing to the wrestling match still going on between Curufin and Caranthir, while Celegorm laughed loudly and Fëanor chuckled slightly from the sidelines.

  
“Usually a card game. But Moryo accused Curvo of cheating, and they started arguing, and well, it devolved into this.” Amrod stated, waving his hand at the aforementioned people.

  
“Curvo was cheating, of course. But that’s hardly the point anymore.” Amras added. Maedhros rolled his eyes, reminded strongly of the many times that similar things had happened when they were all much younger. He had a feeling that whatever this game was, whether the purpose was to allow the family to reunite or, more likely, to play this game for eternity as punishment for their deeds, that it would go much the same way.

  
“Hey, everyone. Hey! Everyone! Nelyo’s here now, so can we stop fighting and get back to the game? If I’m going to have to get my ass handed to me in a card game with Lord Námo, I would like to finish that up in a timely fashion, but that is just my opinion.” Amrod called, nonchalantly reorienting himself on the floor to lean against Maedhros’ shoulder as he spoke.

  
Once the rest of the group had greeted Maedhros, they sat back down to continue the game. Maedhros had been asked to move and sit on the other side of Amrod, with Amras naturally on his other side. Next to Amras sat Celegorm, then Caranthir, Curufin, and Námo. On Námo’s other side was Fëanor, which put him also next to Maedhros. Maedhros had been given seven cards, which had numbers or symbols he did not know the meaning of yet, and were brightly colored either red, blue, green or yellow.

  
“Don’t worry, Nelyo. You will get the hang of it in no time.” Fëanor whispered as the game began again. Before the fight, it had been Námo’s turn, and he placed a card on top of the pile of face-up cards. It was an oval on a black background, with the oval split into four sections to represent the colors of the other cards. The words ‘+4 cards’ were written on the card.

  
“Draw four, Fëanáro.” Námo said, a barely detectable tone of amusement in his voice. Fëanor grumbled and narrowed his eyes at the Vala before drawing four cards from a separate pile of face-down cards. “I now choose the color to be red. So,” Námo paused, looking at Maedhros. “If you have a card in your hand that is red, put it down. If not, you must draw cards until you pick up a red one.” He said. Maedhros nodded, placing a red card with the number four on top of the pile. Amrod smirked before placing down a red card that showed a stack of two cards and read ‘Draw +2’. Amras’ smirk matched his twin’s, and he snickered as he placed down another identical card.

  
“These make the person next to you in the order draw two cards. It makes it harder to put down cards until you have one left, which is the point of the game. One of the rules we’ve agreed on though, is that if you get hit with one of these, and you have another one, you can put that down instead. This can add up until one person does not have a draw two card, and gets stuck drawing a ridiculous number of cards.” Amrod whispered to Maedhros, grinning deviously.

  
“Ah! Draw two! That means we have a boxing match now, right?” Celegorm asked as he rose to his feet, pushing his silvery hair from his face and hastily securing it in a ponytail at the nape of his neck.

  
Ignoring Amras’ vocal protests, Celegorm grabbed him and hauled him to his feet, jabbing playfully at him to begin a boxing match. Amras would not be outdone and rolled his shoulders before throwing a quick succession of punches at Celegorm. Maedhros sighed deeply, watching as Amrod sprang to his feet to defend his twin. Out of the corner of his eye, Maedhros also saw Caranthir lean over and take a long look at the cards Celegorm had carelessly cast aside. Maedhros eventually got Celegorm and the twins to sit down, and Celegorm to draw four cards. Caranthir placed down a card that looked similar to the draw four card, but did not have the command on it to draw card form the pile.

  
“Wild card.” Fëanor quickly whispered to answer Maedhros’ unspoked question. “You will see.” He said.

  
“I am changing the color to blue.” Caranthir announced, smiling almost maliciously when Celegorm groaned aloud.

  
“Dammit Moryo! I do not have anymore blue cards!” Celegorm complained.

  
“Truly? Given the library you are collecting over there, one would think you would have at least one blue card.” Curufin said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Celegorm’s only response was to tell him to shut up. Curufin placed a draw four wild card down and, surprisingly, his turn passed without further incident.

  
“Uno. Also, draw four again, Fëanáro.” Námo stated, placing another draw four wild card on the pile.

  
“Uno?” Maedhros asked, at the same time his father realized he was stuck on the receiving end of a streak of draw-four cards.

  
“Four? Lies! That streak means I must draw eight! And I thought we established a rule that two draw-four wild cards could not be played back to back?!” Fëanor exclaimed.

  
“Uno means that you only have one card left.” Amrod told Maedhros.

  
“It also means that Lord Námo is likely going to win the game on his next turn, because the point is to get rid of all the cards one has in their hand. And judging from the extremely irritated look on his face, it doesn’t seem like Curvo has anymore tricks up his sleeve at this moment in time.” Amras added.

  
Sure enough, Curufin did not have any more tricks up his sleeve; tricks, Maedhros quickly learned, also included cards that could reverse the order in which players drew and played cards, cards that could skip the next player’s turn, wild cards to change the color card one must put down, and wild draw four cards that could do the same thing, as well as make the next player draw four, and the questionable practice of stacking draw two cards and sticking one person with twelve or fourteen cards at once. Maedhros had called out and argued with Curufin over said practice when a streak, begun by Curufin, had circled back to him, and he had played another draw two card, continuing the streak again.

  
In any case, Námo placed down his final card on his next turn, to the varying annoyance, outrage, relief, and grudging acknowledgement of all other players.

  
“Well, now that Lord Námo has won the game officially, we continue to play for second, third, and perhaps fourth place.” Curufin drawled, grinning.

  
“We absolutely will not!” Maedhros all but shouted.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: This is an absolute crack fic, inspired by a discussion in a Silmarillion fandom discord I am in. I had fun with it, so I hope you had fun reading! Thank you, have a nice day, and please read and comment!


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